I need your help with how I handle change. I know change is inevitable. I’m going to experience change no matter how much I dread it. My family will grow and change as my children get older and my marriage will evolve as we move further into life together as a whole. Things are going to change, and there is nothing I can do about it except allow myself to adapt.
My problem is that I desperately want to avoid change. My brain automatically recognizes change as a flaw in the system and sends out an alert to the rest of my body, throwing me into complete panic. *CAUTION! CHANGE APPROACHING* begins flashing in my head and I cannot, will not deal. Before I know it, my blood pressure has shot up, my heart is racing at the speed of light, and I’ve already lived through 17 different scenarios, in my mind where everything goes terribly wrong. Nervous breakdown. Failure to compute. Emergency exit to your left (I wish!).
This is where you step in, Lord. Okay, okay you’re there the entire time, undoubtedly shaking your head, waiting patiently for me to get off of the floor and stop having a childish tantrum. God, if you were even slightly human, I’m sure you’d say something like, “Here she goes again,” and then roll your eyes. Thank heaven you aren’t that way.
After some time passes -could be one day, could be ten- but finally I awaken from my “drunken stupor” and remember how much you love me. I remind myself that, even though some changes really do suck, I have a heavenly Father helping me to work through it all. I’ll admit, as a wife and mother of 4 I sometimes feel alone when going through changes. I feel needed but not supported, until I remember God that you strengthen me when I’m weak, you provide for all of my needs and you are close to the brokenhearted.
I know I know, I don’t really need to be brokenhearted during a change, but military life tends to have that effect on you. Still, whether it’s the military once again pulling me and my family away from every single thing we’ve grown to know and enjoy, or it’s me trying to force my way back into being a working mom, or even dealing with the fact that my sweet little boys are becoming a lot more self-sufficient, you have my back, and my front…and my everything. I am immensely thankful for an loving God who “does not change like shifting shadows.” That’s pretty awesome, because you know how much I hate change.