Submissive Wife? For What?!

So as it turns out, allowing your husband to be head of the house is not as cut and dry as I once viewed it.  This may be strictly a situational opinion,  but there are times when it is exceedingly difficult to be a submissive wife,  and the thought of praying for your spouse seems futile.

The two go hand in hand, allowing your husband to be head of the house and being a submissive wife. Submissive, it’s such an ugly word, isn’t it? You look at it and you think, “Submit? Me? To…HIM?!” At the moment the idea of being submissive is annoying to me. However, the scripture is specific about who the submission is directed to.

Let’s take a look:



This scripture is almost instructing us to inspect the way we submit to the Lord. If our submission to our spouse is supposed to match that of the way we submit to our heavenly Father, then perhaps that relationship- the one between Father and daughter- is the one we need to evaluate.

When I think of how I submit to God, I think of a parental relationship that doesn’t quite match the one I had with my parents as a child. As a child, I obeyed out of fear and I rebelled out of resentment. With God, I obey because of what he’s done for me, and because it seems an (almost) appropriate response to his unconditional love for me. It stands to reason that how you view God in your life is directly related to how you will respond to his word- either in obedience or the opposite.

Then I think about how I submit to my husband. This is a staggered occurrence that is done normally in response to him behaving in a way I find acceptable, and in those moments in between submission, I am just simply a wife. Loving, kind, challenging and sometimes argumentative wife. This system seemed to work well for me…until recently.

I, we recently underwent a major transition, one that’s quite common to the military community and I noticed a lack of teamwork between the two of us, my husband and I. He was concerned that I was constantly challenging him, always questioning what he told me instead of simply taking him at his word. I was concerned that he was beginning to treat me like one of the children; that he expected me to simply nod my head and say “Yes, Sir,” whenever he spoke, unable to ask questions or get explanations; unable to participate in the conversation with anything more than agreement. It pissed me off.

The strife continued for weeks. Week after week of bickering. Nothing one said got through to the other, and even our civil conversations ended up sour. There was nothing to be done. And why? Because he wasn’t loving me “as Christ loved the church,” and I wasn’t ready to “submit to their husbands in everything.” After all, everything literally means everything!

A married couple and love, because love is a command...but what will they do when they've stopped liking each other- I don’t have advice for you today, because we are still in the midst of our strife ridden predicament. I can tell you what I’ve decided to do about it, and I can tell you how it is working in the weeks to come. I have decided to take my own advice and pray. I pray for just about everything else in my life, why should my relationship be any different? I wrote out a prayer late one night (excerpt from the actual prayer in the photo), as I so often do, and asked God to save my relationship because, “we are going down in flames.”


Do you know how easy it is to give up on a relationship when you go through long periods of discontent? Do you know the stress that army life adds to an already troublesome relationship? Against my feelings I’ve decided to pray even though he may anger me just minutes after that prayer. He is my husband, I love him unconditionally, and I will continue to pray…and learn to forgive. Often.



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