I think I have arrived. My ship is at the shore and I’ve dropped anchor. I’m not even sure if this is where you wanted me to go, but I saw land and stopped anyway, because I was done; because to keep sailing felt like an impossible possibility. Why? Why force myself to keep going when I’ve felt lost the entire time? You blinded me, didn’t you? You wanted me to trust you, so you blinded me. Like Paul walking on the road, you took my sight and gave me no choice but to walk by faith.
The wind ripped my sails, all of my provisions were tossed overboard, my crew abandoned me and all I was left with is this boat and a feeling of uncertainty. Yet somehow, with this new freedom of mine, the doors opened to new possibilities. New courses revealed themselves and beckoned me to come, but I hesitated. I saw the way, and the destination was clear, but I followed not. The fear of failure gripped me like the strongest chains and I was unable to move. My greatest fear was upon me. Instead of seeking new opportunities to be better, to find a new crew, to regain my provisions and more, I fell short. I waved my rights to a better life in an effort to maintain continuity.
I gained weight, I became sluggish and lost sight of my way. I used to know where I was going, there was a goal in mind, but somehow it vanished along with my will to pursue anything good for me. The “what if’s,” attacked me so frequently I couldn’t think. The prospect of failure seemed far more than just my imagination. It was real to me. I could taste the failure, I could smell the stench of it, and what’s more, I could see the looks in the eyes of the people I cared for as they watched me with disgust.
…and then there was land. It was right there in front of me. I could row this boat on my own and get there in no time, so I did. I rowed ashore and dropped anchor, but I haven’t gotten off the boat. Instead I stand in awe as I gaze at the sea before me. Tumultuous winds, tossing waves…the life I knew was behind me, and if I wanted to know what was on this new land, I would have to get off of the boat; but here I stand.