I think huge issues arise in a marriage when it comes to how the children are raised. Your upbringing is basically the foundation for how you will parent your children. Even if it is simply to avoid doing what you think your parents did wrong, you are using their blueprint as the guide. The trouble begins when you and your spouse don’t share common views on how children should be raised, and that is an easy way to cause strife in a relationship.
Lack of mutual support when setting boundaries for our children
Taking sides with the children instead of supporting me as the husband/head of household
You remember my friend Sam, don’t you? A few weeks back he shared with me
a few gold nuggets from his over 30 years of wisdom as a married man, and I’ve taken that inch and turned it into a mile! These (above) are a few things he mentioned when it comes to raising children, and I’m certain they are common issues in any marriage. The part about supporting the husband as the head of the house hits home with me in a big way, and I think a lot of women can relate to struggling with this issue.
I don’t think that I desire control simply because I am a woman. I don’t think I desire control because I’m just some bossy control freak. I think I desire control because it is in my nature. I am naturally in charge of my own domain and having my husband step in as the head of the household does not always sit right with me. The fact that it is in the bible only makes it more difficult, because then obedience to God takes precedence over my own will. I don’t obey God because I have to. I don’t have to, he gave me free will. I obey because I love him and I know his best for me is far better than my best.
That’s a heavy hitter though, isn’t it? I know in my own personal experience that I have had a plethora of times when I’ve taken my children’s side instead of supporting my husband…and it pisses him off to no end. “You’ll do anything to take up for your children,” he said to me one time. I didn’t feel bad about it at the time, but I now see the error of my ways.
If we are a divided front, our children are going to get away with murder. They know they can butter me up and get what they want when daddy says no. They know they can put on a sad face and come to mommy’s shoulder and get out of trouble when daddy is correcting them, and that, my friends, is dangerous. You may think your children prefer you and respect you when they do things like that, but it is the exact opposite. They are manipulating you because they know you do not support your spouse in their efforts to discipline your children.
If you respect your husband, even a little, if you believe that he would never intentionally hurt you or your children, and if you believe that he genuinely loves you, that should be enough to treat him as the head of the household. If he is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church then think about what that means for you. Christ died for us. He suffered pain so that we wouldn’t have to and now he sits next to our heavenly Father pleading our case so that we can spend eternity in heaven with him. How on earth can that be a bad thing?
Now, of course, we don’t expect our husbands to be as perfect as Christ, but he certainly can try, and it would be a lot easier on him if his wife were a supportive partner and not a hindrance to his leadership.
I can see a few women right now thinking, “He doesn’t know what he’s doing, I’m not just going to bow down to him like he’s some king and I’m his subject,” and to that I say, “Get real.” God would never place his child beneath someone. Don’t you think he knows the important part wives play in the household? Why else would he have taken a bone out of Adam’s body to create woman? We are necessary! Don’t lose your value from one verse. God highest and best is for us to allow our husband to be head of the household, and our obedience to that verse will open doors that you never saw coming. Good things will happen.
If you, like me, have a difficult time allowing your husband to make important decisions, there are two things you can do about that:
- Pray for him. Ask God to give your husband wisdom and prosperity. I pray Psalm 112 for my husband all the time.
- Talk to your man! Help him see how important it is for the two of you to work as a team and not as an employee-employer relationship. Be kind and try to use examples that he can relate to. Open up about how much you want to be there for him.
Keep an eye out for my next family post, where we will talk about a few ways to help you and your spouse come together even when you’ve got opposing views on discipline, and I have a few tips for you on how to have a successful disagreement, without allowing the children to ever know it happened.
Til then, talk to me! How do you feel about allowing your spouse to be the head of the house? Husbands? Do you think it is necessary to take on this role?