Love & Affection

Wow, so how many days have passed since my last blog post? Let’s just say far too many. I became involved in a church project that took far more planning than I expected, but in the end it was a huge success and I was happy to be a part of it. Still, each day I wasn’t able to work on this project -my blog- was a difficult day for me. This blog is as much of a blessing to me as I hope it is to you. Marriage is not easy. Parenting is not easy. Involving God in the little and the big aspects of all that -as much as we may hate to admit it- is not easy.

On my most recent post on marriage, A Husband’s Heart, I told you that I’d gotten some amazing input from a good friend and married man who was willing to share his over 30 years of marriage experience with me. It’s a privilege to have that type of input but a special treat to me because it’s coming from a man. I don’t know about you, but I don’t often meet men who are super comfortable with being open about…well, anything. I’ve been with the same man since I was 18 and he can still answer a complex question with a simple shrug of the shoulders or an, “mmhmm”. It can be frustrating to say the least.

The first topic I wanted to discuss is one I was surprised to see a man point out. Lack of affection. I’m sure any woman can attest to the fact that men tend to fall short in the area of affection in a relationship. The kisses and hugs are abundant in the beginning, but once you’re 10 years and 3 kids in, it slows to a mere peck on the lips before work…if you remember even that.

Here’s a little something of what Sam had to say about lack of affection:

 Lack of affection encourage(s) your partner to either want to cheat or have the thoughts.

I wish it wasn’t true. I wish that lack of affection would cause us to draw closer to our spouse and look for ways to show them affection in hopes that they might reciprocate, but there it is people, and it’s true. Lack of affection can eventually cause your partner to want to find it elsewhere. What an ugly truth.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.

Of course, I don’t think it starts automatically. If my husband is having a bad week, or even a bad month, I certainly don’t think to myself, “Well, he had his chance.” But what if it happens over time? What if you have tried showing them affection and they don’t reciprocate? What if it’s been years since you’ve had your spouse truly show that they love and care for you? Or, (how many consider this thought) what if your spouse has spent years showing affection in a way that he/she receives it, instead of finding out your love language? There’s a little food for thought!


My Own Experience

My husband’s love language is gifts. I buy him something he likes and he sees that as an act of affection. I can give him all the hugs and kisses in the world and he will enjoy it, but gifts are his actual love language. Now, if he were to buy me gifts frequently, I’d certainly appreciate them, but my love language is not gifts. I want quality time. I’d much rather he plan a nice day trip for us and spend the day together hanging out and having fun. Quality time is my love language. So, with that knowledge, if every week for a month I planned a nice trip for he and I, he would probably have fun, but he would see that as something I’m doing for me, because that is my love language. If he buys me a new gift every weekend, I’ll thank him and certainly appreciate it, but it wouldn’t make any difference if he weren’t spending time with me. It’s super important that we understand each others love language.

Where do you stand with love and affection in your relationship? Have you taken the time to find out how the special person in your life receives affection? It’s certainly something worth doing, if you haven’t already.

On my next post I’ll share a great idea Sam had for showing affection to your loved one, but for now, let me know what you think. Answer a few of those questions in the comments and we can discuss this more together!


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