I wondered for a while if the example of selfishness that I’d given you in that last post, “I Remember” was adequate enough to illustrate the point I was trying to make. I imagine most people would simply say that my husband was being selfish because basketball isn’t exactly a priority in life. I imagine you’d say that he should have, at least, taken the time to be there for his children, if nothing else. After all, he’s got boys so it would have totally been appropriate if would have taken them with him to the basketball practice, right?
I explained to you that God told me he wanted me to depend on him for “that”. What was the “that” anyway? It was my free time. The time of the day where I was supposed to be able to breathe easy, finish chores, eat, watch TV, read a book, pray…whatever. It was supposed to be my time and I was in debt of free time for months now. When my husband left for basketball practice, I can honestly say that I believed he was being selfish; but the truth of the matter is that my husband worked (and still does) crazy hours. So sure, I needed time away from kid nation, but he needed an outlet where he could be free as well. My husband needed a place where he didn’t have to be a soldier, and he didn’t have to be a dad or husband…he needed that time just as badly as I did and he too needed to depend on God to get it.
So, in the question of who was selfish here, it was both of us. Let’s face it, even though my husband needed that, it was horrible timing. I was doing over-time at kid nation and I just wanted to get away; but I was selfish just as well. I didn’t even take a moment to consider the fact that my husband was just as exhausted with life as I was, just in a different way. His work is different than mine, but no less taxing. Sadly it took me this long- 3 years later- to see things from this perspective. Had we not been thinking of our own needs back then, the situation may have played out far better than it did.
So, I suppose the questions remains of how do I rely on God for free time? (take a look at the verse above) I think this is one of those things where you have to have FAITH. For just about everything in life, faith in God is so supremely necessary. Without it, you won’t trust God to give you what you need. (Pay attention to the word give because God is not planning to make you earn what you need in life). God was simply waiting for me to use my faith to open the door and allow him to provide that free time that I needed.
He helped me get my children on a proper schedule. He helped me wake up on time in the morning LONG before my munchkins woke up. He helped me get my household chores done, and after all that (and more) somehow, time with my children no longer felt like work. I could enjoy them once I’d managed to enjoy time alone.
Later on I was able to start seeing things through a new perspective. I began to see how heavy the weight was on my husbands shoulders as the sole provider. I saw how much he really did need basketball and flag football, because without it he was just plain grumpy!
So here’s our lesson for the day:
Ask God to give you direction and he is more than willing to show you how you can rely on him for your free time…or whatever else it you need today.